


Sweet dreams

by Story781



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, I Don't Even Know, Original Character(s), Post-Break Up, Rambling, SORT OF i think, Sad, Watch Lucien try to come to terms with missing and getting attatched to people for ten minutes, is there a tag for rambling while the other character is sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-10-28 14:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20780303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Story781/pseuds/Story781
Summary: The Spectral Assassin pays a visit to who used to be his Silencer, when she's asleep.And it's all so she can't hear how he misses her.





	Sweet dreams

She had her home in the middle of the woods. It was of average size, cozy. Seemed like a good place to settle. Maybe aside from the two small graves in the back. They had no names. Only symbols. One a paintbrush, the other a dagger.

Lucien sat on the edge of her bed, his ghostly hand gently brushing hair out of her face. Her sleep was different now. Still deep and heavy but... he could sense that she was more tired, somewhere on the inside.

He took a deep breath and let himself pet her head.

„I... I've been thinking a lot lately” he started with a sigh. „About you and... well. About what could have been.”

He shifted, leaning on his hand on the other side of her. It was the closest he'd allow himself to get to holding her. Just looming over her body, like the ghost he was.

„You know I'm glad the things are the way they are. I truly am." He loved being in the Brotherhood, he loved serving Sithis. And somehow he still managed to make his sound like a lie. „But since you left... on your own wish... I... I, I don't know, it's just that... When I died I never expected to see you again. But I accepted that. That was the fate I had, to go like this." 

Cyanide moved and he immediately shut his mouth. She turned to her other side and curled up around her covers. 

„I accepted that because that's how it was meant to be and we had no saying in it" he continued, his voice now barely audible. „Now, however... You've left because you wanted to. You left the Brotherhood, our Dread Father and..." he paused. 

Was he really going to say this? Was he going to just... admit to the fact that she left her mark on him? 

„... and you left me" he finally breathed. „Nothing could bring me more satisfaction than what I'm doing now, but... sometimes I can't help but wonder." 

He felt something in his throat and he knew that if only he needed to breathe, it would have choked him. 

„What would be if things were different? If I was just a man, if we had met in any other way. If whatever you... whatever you hate about me now, never existed?" 

He ran his fingers against her palm, bringing it closer to his face. His breath hitched, as the words that he was about to say were just refusing to leave his lips. 

„Would you love me so purely?” 

The word and the very idea of that kind of love were so strange and foreign to him. It wasn't the love people shared in the Dark Brotherhood. It was sweet and soft, not guided by any rules.   
A kind he's only seen in the eyes of his victims before. 

„I know I wasn't... I'm not... The best person for you. Never was. I should think you're not the best for me either. You left us, ran away and I suppose I... The only reason I should be here is to take your life,” he rambled, pressing her hand to his cheek gently. „But I don't think I could. I, I hate this light, this good, weak heart of yours. And at the same time, I find it fascinating, it drags me towards you. Forces me to come back here.”

This was odd to say. Admitting his feelings like this, more than he ever has. He hoped Sithis would forgive him this moment of weakness.

„I... I wish we had more time together..." he mumbled, squeezing her hand and moving it to his chest. „I wish I could have figured us out sooner, back when... back when you looked at me like I was all you ever needed." He felt icy drops rolling down his face but his thoughts didn't even let him get mad about it at the moment. 

He wasn't weeping or sobbing. He was just crying that weird cry, with nothing to prove it other than the tears. He didn't feel the sorrow much either. He moved back, away from Cyanide and tilted his head towards the ceiling, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Letting go of her hand, Lucien stood up and moved towards the door. There were so many more things he could tell her. So many things he should tell her.  
But they didn't matter anymore. He was dead, she gave that life up and their ways have separated long ago. Nothing would change things to how they used to be. Not Sithis, not murder and definitely not his... love for her. 

He gripped the doorframe for a moment, before finally leaving and closing the door behind him. The burning fury inside him hit when he stepped out of the room. It was a mix of anger, confusion, and sadness that made him want to break and kill not for pleasure, but just to let out all this tension. All these feelings that have been bothering him for so long now.

He left before he could get any more worked up over it. He had work to do and he had to keep a level head for it. Even if she made it so hard. After a moment of hesitation, he fished out a dried out blue flower out of his ghostly pocket and gently set it down on the round table near the door. Maybe she'd like it. Blue looked good on her.

Cyanide woke up from the exhausting dream with a pained grunt. She felt that her cheeks were wet when she rubbed her eyes. Was this really enough to make her cry? Just her brain imagining that Lucien would ever care for her so much, that he'd love her enough to miss her despite all she's done? Better yet, just her brain imagining that Lucien Lachance had human emotions? 

She shook her head, disappointed in herself and crawled out of bed slowly. The room was cold, so she had to hold the covers around her arms when she moved to close the window. Why did she even leave it open in the first place? Then again that would explain why she dreamt of him again. Him and his cold, cold hands. 

She left the room, careful not to wake up her little boy Richard, and stumbled towards the kitchen area, the material dragging itself behind her. She picked up a bottle of wine from the shelf and sat down with it. Her hand moved lazily around the smooth surface of her kitchen table as she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night. She could hear wolves howl somewhere far away.   
Her head tilted back slightly and she took a swig from the bottle. She wasn't about to get wasted, she just... needed something to ease the pain the very thought of Lucien caused her. Just a little.

She would have fallen asleep, wrapped in the warmth of her sheets from the outside and the alcohol from the inside if only her fingers didn't suddenly touch something a little rougher than the wooden table. She looked towards whatever it was and... yes, it was exacly what she both did and didn't want it to be. 

A small, blue mountain flower. One that would go so well with her hair.


End file.
